What does unforgiveness look like?
Unforgiveness is when a person holds a grudge against someone who has wronged them. It may look like bursts of pettiness or anger when coming into contact with someone you don’t like. It lives in actions such as: always keeping score, complaining, being easily offended, fearing, dwelling on self-pity, hatred, and resentment, and always having an excuse or feeling justified.
The symptoms of unforgiveness are often easily ignored because people don’t know what to look for—or simply choose to look past it. In many instances, unforgiveness arises from physical, emotional, and sexual violations, as well as deaths, divorces, or cheating.
Sometimes, those who are victims of these atrocities are aware that their unbearable pain is taking a toll on their lives. They may even forgive those who have wronged them, when they have the strength to do so, but find themselves unable to forgive the next time they’re triggered by unwanted thoughts.
Why is it wrong?
Although, even though one never deserved what they went through, no matter the severity, we are still called to forgive. And by holding onto grudges towards others we are robbing ourselves of the freedom and the forgiveness of God.
Without His forgiveness, we are in imminent danger. We’re in danger of growing ill with deadly cancer. It’s malignant. As unforgiveness grows within oneself it becomes too strong to handle alone—morphing into a monster of hatred and bitterness—and will block you from happiness and eternal security.
Effects on spiritual health
While we know being wronged hurts us, and hurts bad, so is holding onto unforgiveness. It weakens your soul and keeps you far from God. Essentially, unforgiveness is a form of self-destruction. It hinders your growth as a human being, and your relationship with God, and enslaves you to spirits of depression and anxiety.
Effects on physical well-being
In addition to the spiritual detriment unforgiveness causes, it also takes a toll on one’s physical well-being. Yes, it is 100% true. Scientific studies have proven spiritual links between countless physical illnesses—with unforgiveness ranking at the top of the list.
John Hopkins Medicine found that “Chronic anger puts you into a fight-or-flight mode, which results in numerous changes in heart rate, blood pressure, and immune response. Those changes, then, increase the risk of depression, heart disease, and diabetes, among other conditions. Forgiveness, however, calms stress levels, leading to improved health.”
In that, we can understand our body’s dire need for peace and that we are unable to thrive under conditions of resentment.
Finding freedom in God’s grace
The good news is that, despite our shortcomings, we can all find grace through God. By seeking after Him in prayer and through reading the Word we are aligning ourselves with His holiness.
Specifically, through forgiving others we are making ourselves blameless before God—granting Him access to extend grace.
Going deeper with the Word
If you find yourself wanting to go deeper with the Word after reading this blog, then below are a few scriptures that support the text:
In the book of Matthew scripture shows us the importance of demonstrating forgiveness towards others, as God has forgiven us.
“But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Matthew 6:15
Another scripture supporting this idea is found a few chapters later, in Matthew 18:21-22 “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.’”
Through scripture, one can grow to understand that forgiving others brings us one step closer to being more Christ-like.
